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Old cars are like our aging bodies
The paint isn’t as shiny anymore and there are dings and nicks everywhere.
The sheet metal under the headlights is faded dark and is all wrinkled.
The windshield is not as clear as it once was making it hard to see out of.
The antenna doesn’t go all the way up and the signal gets scrambled sometimes.
The radiator and hoses leak sometimes, leaving unsightly stains and messes behind.
The tires are worn and slip a lot and the running gear makes noises and is not as fast as it once was.
The shocks and springs pop and creak when the car is moved up and down.
The grill is not as bright and shiny anymore, it actually seems to be turning yellow.
The ashtrays are all full and the drink holders don’t hold anymore, causing spills.
The bumpers don’t bump anymore and the chrome is starting to rust from them not being used and/or cleaned properly.
The air intake seems to be clogged up causing the motor to wheeze a lot.
The exhaust is more noticeable and has become increasingly more toxic.
The oil filter isn’t working right and allows deposits to run rampantly throughout the engine causing all kinds of other flow problems.
The spark plugs aren’t what they used to be and that prevents the oil pressure and the water temperature from coming up where it used to be.
The old turning radius has become very wide and very slow.
The dashboard that was once luxuriously covered is now as bare as a boiled egg, leaving it very plain.
The radio only plays old slow songs that you can actually hear the words to and the stereo and bass boost buttons are broken.
The taillights have drooped lower and lower and are not as bright as before.
The alignment is way off causing uncontrollable swerving and jerking of the components.
You can no longer see everything out of the rear view mirrors.
There is a far less quality gas in the tank than what used to be used in this car.
The car is now way past the eligibility time for Antique License Plates or tags.
The doors don’t close all the way, leaving gaps between body parts.
The headliner is loose and sagging all over the place.
The seats are worn and have lost their shape and their comfortableness, the stuffing is starting to show.
The steering is cranky, stiff, and slow to respond.
The interior lights don’t come on anymore.
There is a lot of trash in the trunk.
The carjack won’t jack up anything anymore.
Yep, the old car is just like the human body. They both fall apart eventually!
If one has the money and lots of it, there are some things that can be done to reverse the aging process.
A reputable body shop (Plastic Surgeon) can work out the dents and dings in the body, raise the taillights and fix the darkened metal under the headlights. They can also paint the body to bring back its lustrous shine and beauty. They can even darken the original color if you’d like.
A Windshield shop (Lasik Surgeon) can repair or replace the glass to make seeing out much better.
An Engine Builder (Cardiologist Transplant Specialist) can replace the engine and transmission with a new one to make it run much better. This will fix the wheezing intake, the smoking, and will bring the oil pressure and water temp back up.
An upholsterer (seamstress) can recover the seats and headliner in new tight fitting materials, making them look new again.
A muffler shop (Proctologist) can re-route and replace the exhaust system to end the embarrassing noises and prevent the toxic smells from entering the interior.
A specialty shop (Plastic Surgeon) can reduce cut the hood line, shorten the support post, and chop the top down to give it a more modern sporty appearance.
A chrome shop (orthodontic specialist) can clean and remove the rust on the grill and other chrome parts and either re-plate or replace them to renew that shiny, bright finish they once had.
A performance center (dietary specialist) can upgrade the fuel’s octane to put that pep back in your step with less gas than before.
A performance chip (Viagra, Cialis, Lavitra) will keep things on the up and up for those long trips where endurance and performance are most important.
As you can see, there are things that can be done to prevent aging, as long as you see the right specialist and have lots and lots of money!
James H. Jones Jr., A2Z Auto Racing ©2004
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